Yes, it’s official. The secret is out: we’re moving back to LA, that tart of a temptress, that flip-your-fortune-on-a-dime of a town. She pulls me back, she always does, even when I solemnly vow to never come back.
I’m experiencing a moment of complete and utter surreality.
When you have a dream, the kind of dream that depends largely on other people’s diligence and willingness to back, the kind that needs a combination of hard work, and blind faith and no small measure of great luck and good timing, and that dream is handed back to you with a simple, “OK – take it, you earned it,” it’s not something you can articulate elegantly. It stops you dead in your tracks. That one moment erases every moment you spent thinking, “I can’t do this any more. I am not this person and I don’t know if I’ll ever break through.” It takes away the pain of a hundred nights looking at a dwindling bank account and wondering if that special thing you thought you had was maybe just a delusion. It washes away the despair of feeling worthless and wondering why no one loves the thing you do as much as you love the thing you do.
And shit, I haven’t even really done anything spectacular. I only just landed my dream job, and it’s not even permanent. I get to write, edit, and develop screenplays for film and television, for certain through December, and if the fates are willing, onward. Two of the scripts that I’ve been working on and editing with my friend and screenwriter client, MC, just sold to FX and Cinemax. The projects have been rejected multiple times because of the subject matter…the market…the “it’s not about vampires and that’s what’s selling right now”….the whatever. But, like a stubborn bull, MC put his head down and pushed until these bodies of work were embraced. That is extraordinary.
MC is a seasoned writer and has sold some pretty big shows. Sometimes I ask myself why I’m his go-to girl, and why he’s valued my opinion so much. To me, having the opportunity to work on these projects and experience the elation of their sale and subsequent production is mind-blowing. And the ability to make real money exclusively as a writer, no matter how brief, is almost beyond my comprehension. But for some strange reason, he likes my work. He likes writing with me. Will wonders never cease?
As I described it to my friend this morning, it’s like being hit in the face with a rainbow, followed by someone roughly shoving an entire cupcake into my mouth before I have the chance to understand what’s happening. It’s deliciously wonderful and brutal all at once. I’m living in a floaty Dali world, and I don’t know when I’m coming down.
My Heathermonkey arrives on a jetplane from Berkley this afternoon for Hobbit-Monkey Summit – Autumn 2012. I believe I’ll continue my celebratory break until she’s gone, because when Tuesday rolls around, I’ll have less than a month to pack, wrap up my other projects, and get myself to LA, where the really hard, awesome part will begin.
Thanks for all your well-wishes and support. It’s been a crazy ride, and I’m sure it’s gonna get crazier.